From:	"Torri Rugg" 
Date: Tue, 18 Nov 1997 13:25:56 EST
Subject:	(Fwd) Forwarded: Fwd: Joke Those doctors...
	
 	The following quotes were taken from actual medical records 
dictated by physicians.  They appeared in a column written by Richard 
Lederer, for the Journal of Court Reporting.
 	
 	* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he 
was feeling better.
 	
 	*Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
 	
 	* The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes 
to his feet.
 	
 	* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had 
completely disappeared.
 	
 	 * She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states 
she was very hot in bed last night.
 	
 	 * I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.
 	
 	 * Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have 
suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands 
with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
 	
 	 * The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be 
depressed.
 	
 	 * Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need 
disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
 	
 	 * Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
 	
 	* The patient refused an autopsy.
 	
 	* The patient has no past history of suicides.
 	
 	* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
 	
 	* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
 	
 	* Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
 	
 	* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with 
only a 40 pound weight 	gain in the past three days.
 	
 	* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions 
in early December.
 	
 	* The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with 
a picture of acutepulmonary enema at home while having sex which gradually 
deteriorated in the emergency room.
 	
 	* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original 
complaints.