Subject: Humor: Children

Anyone with kids understands...

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  Things You Can Learn From Children:

* There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

* If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
rollerblades, they can ignite.

* A 4 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

* If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
superman cape.

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 room.

* Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

* When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's too late.

* Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

* A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36
year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

* A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

* If you use a waterbed as home plate, and slide in while wearing
baseball shoes it does not leak -- it explodes.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq." house 4" deep

* Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

Duplos will not.

* Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

* Super glue is forever.

* McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

Ditto Tarzan.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you can't walk on water

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

* VCR's do not eject Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.

* Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

* Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

* You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

* Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.

* The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

It will however make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

* Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

* A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life
                (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).