One liner:  Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it
               should be hard to understand. 
    
---

   Credit:  Michelle LaPierre  ; forwarded
              by Stephen McIntyre 
   Subject:  Redneck Computer Lingo


    Redneck Computer Lingo (poss. off. to Rednecks)
    
    "Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires
                    and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
    
    "Keyboard" ---- Place to hang your truck keys.
    
    "Window" ------ Place in the truck to hang your guns.
    
    "Floppy" ------ When you run out of Polygrip.
    
    "Modem" ------- How you got rid of your dandelions.
    
    "ROM" --------- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
    
    "Byte" -------- First word in a kiss-off phrase.
    
    "Reboot" ------ What you do when the first pair gets covered with
                    barnyard stuff.
    
    "Network" ----- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
    
    "Mouse" ------- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in
                            order to get a free case.
    
    "LAN"  -------- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
    
    "Cursor" ------ What some guys do when they are mad at their wife
                           and/or girlfriend.
    
    "bit" --------- A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon
                         seed across the porch longways."
    
    "digital control" -- What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
    
    "packet" ------ What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
    
---
credit: cabel@top.monad.net

How Things Would Be Different if MicroSoft Was Headquartered in
The South

1.  Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders ( U know the
     southern word for window)
2.  Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle
3.  Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a hefty bag
4.  Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Awright" or "Naw"
5.  Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos"
6.  The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse
7.  Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized 
drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!"
8.  Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would  be
     Achy-Breaky Heart
9.  PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt"
10.  Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and
      Vishul C++"
11.  Winders 95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
12.  Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
13.  Instead of latte carts we'd have grits carts
14.  New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now, Yah hear?!"
15.  Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
16.  Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am and duct tape.
17.  Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse
18.  Four words:  Daisy Duke Screen Saver
19.  Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire  (Beverly Hillbillies)
20.  Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead
      cars in your front yard
21.  Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor pull Simulator
22.  Microsoft CEO:  Bubba Gates