Credit: the following jokes are from "Bill's Punch Lines."
     
ACTUAL SIGNS SEEN ACROSS THE USA:
     * At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
     * In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses 
	uncivil ought to see the manager.
     * On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to  
	the full extent of the law. -Sisters of Mercy
     * On a long-established  New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.
     * In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
     * In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
     * In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy.
     * In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning  your home.
     * In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center 
     * On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
     * On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices
	 and workmanship.
     * At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel. 
     * On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
     * In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife.  Let our washing 
	machine do the dirty work.
     * In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
     * In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
     * In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $10. 
	 They won't last an hour!
     * On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced 
     * Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
     * In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated 
	when you can come here?
     * In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends. * On a radiator 
	repair garage: Best place to 	take a leak.
      * In the vestry of  a New England church: Will the last person to leave please 
	see that  the perpetual light 	is extinguished.
     * In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from 
	any but their own graves.
     * On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
     * On the grounds of a public school: No trespassing without  permission.
     * On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
     * Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to 
	wash your car.
     * And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched 
	by human presence, 	there is a sign that says "Do not throw stones at this sign."

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