These are the resulting collected writings of Bart's chalkboard exercises from the
 opening credits: 

For those of you who don't watch the Simpsons, part of the opening credits show
 Bart Simpson writing the same sentence over and over again on a chalkboard
 - the old "write it 100 times" punishment which establishes him as a troublemaker. 
 Each episode when they use this version of the credits(the show is famous for
 changing opening and closing credits mid-season) is usually different. A viewer 
apparently went through the trouble of memorializing what Bart is writing on the board. 


 1. I will not carve gods.  
 2. I will not spank others.  
 3. I will not aim for the head.  
 4. I will not barf unless I'm sick 
 5. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.  
 6. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.  
 7. I will not conduct my own fire drills.  
 8. Funny noises are not funny.  
 9. I will not snap bras.  
10. I will not fake seizures.  
11. This punishment is not boring and pointless.  
12. My name is not Dr.  Death.  
13. I will not defame New Orleans.  
14. I will not prescribe medication.  
15. I will not bury the new kid.  
16. I will not teach others to fly.  
17. I will not bring sheep to class.  
18. A burp is not an answer.  
19. Teacher is not a leper.  
20. Coffee is not for kids.  
21. I will not eat things for money.  
22. I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.  
23. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.  
24. I will not call the principal "spud head".  
25. Goldfish don't bounce.  
26. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.  
27. No one is interested in my underpants.  
28. I will not sell miracle cures.  
29. I will return the seeing-eye dog.  
30. I do not have diplomatic immunity.  
31. I will not charge admission to the bathroom.  
32. I will never win an emmy.  
33. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.  
34. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.  
35. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.  
36. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.  
37. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.  
38. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.  
39. I am not deliciously saucy.  
40. Organ transplants are best left to professionals.  
41. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".  
42. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.  
43. There are plenty of businesses like show business.  
44. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.  
45. I will not waste chalk.  
46. I will not skateboard in the halls.  
47. I will not instigate revolution.  
48. I will not draw naked ladies in class.  
49. I did not see Elvis.  
50. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".  
51. Garlic gum is not funny.  
52. They are laughing at me, not with me.  
53. I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.  
54. I will not encourage others to fly.  
55. I will not fake my way through life.  
56. Tar is not a plaything.  
57. I will not Xerox my butt.  
58. It's potato, not potatoe.  
59. I will not trade pants with others.  
60. I am not a 32 year old woman.  
61. I will not do that thing with my tongue.  
62. I will not drive the principal's car.  
63. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.  
64. I will not sell school property.  
65. I will not burp in class.  
66. I will not cut corners.  
67. I will not get very far with this attitude.  
68. I will not belch the National Anthem.  
69. I will not sell land in Florida.  
70. I will not grease the monkey bars.  
71. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.  
72. I will not do anything bad ever again.  
73. I will not show off.  
74. I will not sleep through my education.  
75. I am not a dentist.  
76. Spitwads are not free speech.  
77. Nobody likes sunburn slappers.  
78. High explosives and school don't mix.  
79. I will not bribe Principal Skinner.  
80. I will not squeak chalk.  
81. I will finish what I sta 
82. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.  
83. Underwear should be worn on the inside.  
84. The Christmas Pageant does not stink.  
85. I will not torment the emotionally frail.