#1
  Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay"
  contest. For those of you obsessed with the spoken or written word!
 
  The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
  bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
 
  Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
  (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
 
  The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
  you fry them in  grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)
 
  John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
  had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
 
  His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
  like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith,
  Woodbridge)
 
  Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.  (Unknown)
 
  #2
 
  Confucious also say..
 
  Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.
 
  Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
 
  #3
  Comedic observations
 
  Have you ever noticed?  Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, 
and
  anyone going faster than you is a moron.
 
                 George Carlin
 
  Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
  But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
 
                 Steve Bluestone
 
  You have a cough?  Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax,
  tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
 
                 Pearl Williams
 
  I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I
  wanna know your name"
 
                 Mike Binder