Credit: gators@mail.accessorl.net
Subject: Woman's Manual
 
       Woman's Guide
        
   1.  If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach 
       you're aiming too high.
      
   2.  Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the 
       do-it-yourself types.
        
   3.  The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason:  you've got  sick of him.
        
   4.  Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home.  He
       probably lies about other things too.
        
   5.  A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her 
       husband to do.
        
   6.  If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
        
   7.  Go for younger men.  You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
        
   8.  A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel 
       Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
        
   9.  Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you
       can tell them apart.
        
   10.  Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
        
   11.  Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you 
        will usually find that he is.
        
   12.  Scientists have just discovered something that can do the
        work of five men -- a woman.
        
   13.  There are a lot of words you can use to describe men --
        strong, caring, loving.  They'd be wrong, but you could still use  them.
        
   14.  Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially 
        violent -- but they make great pets.
        
   15.  Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
        
   16.  There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men "don't" and "stop".
        
   17.  Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.


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 credit: kschlish@aol.com
subject: 16 Reasons a Diet Cola is better than a man
    
 1.   a diet cola is satisfying all the time
2.   you can dump a diet cola when you've had enough
3.   it generally last longer 
4.   it's available in a variety of sizes
5.   you only need one
6.   diet cola comes in a can, not in your mouth
7.   when you swallow a diet cola, you only get 1 calorie
8.   a diet doesn't dirty your sheets or your dishes
9.   a diet cola will silently and patiently wait for you 
10. you can ignore a diet cola for days and it will still be there when you want it 
11. a diet cola respects you as much in the morning as it does as night
12. when you swallow a diet, it doesn't leave an aftertaste in your mouth
13. people don't talk if you've had 3 or 4 of them 
14. no privacy is needed to enjoy one
15. even if you spill one in bed it won't make you sleep in a wet spot
16. you can have a headache and enjoy it