JIFFY CONDOM COMPANY
6969 Slippery Root Drive
Droptrou, NC 22269

Dear Sir, 

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your recent application to
model and represent our product, Jiffy Condoms. 

Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our Board of
Directors feels that your wearing of our product does not portray a positive,
romantic image for our product. A loose baggy wrinkled condom is not
considered romantic. 

We did admire your efforts to firm it up using Poly-Grip, but even then it
slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note
however, that we have never seen a penis that looked like a bicycle grip
until now. 

We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your
application for future consideration, if by the chance we decide that there
is a market for Micro-Mini Condoms. 

We send greetings and our deepest sympathy to your wife and/or girlfriend. 

Very Truly Yours, 


Burly Dick, President
Jiffy Condom Company

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List of Possible Slogans Promoting
                    NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK

Cover your stump before you hump
Before your attack her, wrap your whacker
Don't be silly, protect your willy
When in doubt, shroud your spout
You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
If you slip between her thighs, condomize
It'll be sweeter if you wrap your peter
She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
If you go into heat, package your meat
While you're undressing Venus, dress up that penis
When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
Especially in December, gift wrap your member
Never ever deck her with an unwrapped pecker
Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool 
The right selection is to protect your erection
Wrap in foil before checking her oil
A crank with armor will never harm her
If you really love her, wear a cover
Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
No glove, no love!