Credit: cadel@top.monad.net
Date: Monday, May 19, 1997
Subject: Surgical Humor

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY

* Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. 

* Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop. 

* "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness" 

* Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog! 

* Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? 

* Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie. 

* Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

* Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff 
  before?

* Darn, there go the lights again... 

* "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's 
  got two of'em.

* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! 

* Could you stop that thing from beating?  It's throwing my 
  concentration off..

* What's this doing here?

* I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.. 

* That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?! 

* I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. 

* Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all. 

* Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right? 

* What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change.....! 

* Anyone see where I left that scalpel? 

* This patient has already had some kids, am I correct? 

* Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card? 

* Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough. 

* What do you mean "You want a divorce!" 

* She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!! 

* FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!! 

 * Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!


=====
Forwarded mail originally from: Judy Russo 

The tile under the urinals in the [JFK's] 'Arrivals' Building has that
familiar lemony tinge; rubber soles stick to it.

Over in Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol [Airport]'s urinals would pass
inspection in an operating room.  But nobody notices.

What everybody does notice is that each urinal has a fly in it.  Look harder,
and the fly turns into the black outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain.
 "It improves the aim," says [Schiphol economist] Aad Kieboom.  "If a man sees
a fly, he aims at it."  His staff conducted fly-in-urinal trials and found
that etchings reduce spillage by 80%.  The Dutch will transfer the technology
to New York.