Credit: Kschlich@aol.com

"John Bobbitt's good-night prayer?"
  
                           Now I lay me down to sleep
                           I pray my penis I will keep
                          And if I wake and it is gone
                           I hope I find it on my lawn
  
                       I hope the dog that is running free
                      Does not find that little part of me.
                          Many precautions I must take
                       To keep this part I love to shake.
  
                            Much attention I must pay
                       To assure the knives are put away.
                     The mower, chainsaw, the hatchet, too,
                      There's no telling what she might do!
  
                   She would love to rid me of my manly charm
                      I must keep it safe, away from harm.
                    So I cross my fingers as I close my eyes,
                     And I cross my legs to avoid surprise!
 
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From: mikey@slic.cts.com (Mike Shirley)
Subject: The "Good Hands" Insurance Plan
Date: Thursday, 25 Nov 93 12:20:03 EST

Came over the FAX machine today from of all places, First
American Title:


        "WOMAN CLIPS OFF SLEEPING HUSBAND'S PENIS THEN
                 THROWS IT FROM MOVING AUTO"

     DON'T LAUGH, IT'S TRUE AND IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!!!

Right now, thousands of agitated, irate women have read that
headline and are contemplating taking that action against you
the next time you make an uninvited sexual advance, look at them
the wrong way, or just piss them off in general (not to mention
PMS and "that time for the month").

                 MEN, PROTECT YOURSELVES NOW!!!

If you find yourself a victim of "CLIP AND FLIP SYNDROME" could
you be sure that the appropriate authorities would find your
clipped member in time and intact?  Could you be sure that the
penis part they find is yours?

Sign up now for our low cost Penis Protection Plan (known as
PPP).  We'll tattoo and register your penis and scrotum with
their own unique registration numbers, insuring that in case of
separation, you will get a perfect match every time.

Or, for just a slightly higher fee, you can sign up for our
"JURASSIC PRICK" program in which we will take a cell sample from
your penis and clone replacement parts for you in the event a
tractor trailer runs over your dismembered penis or some wild
animal mistakes your detached member for a chew toy.

           DON'T GET CAUGHT SHORT, SIGN UP NOW!!!