credit:  wrobinson@mail.porternovelli.com
     
     Immediately scan your computer for the following viruses:
     
     PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly 
     about foreign software.
     
     COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. 
     Secretly, you wish it would.
     
     HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously 
     a year later, in another directory.
     
     O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS:  You know it's guilty of trashing your system but 
     you just can't prove it.
     
     BOB DOLE VIRUS:  Could be virulent, but it's been around toolong to be 
     much of a threat.
     
     STEVE FORBES VIRUS:  All files are reportedd as the same size.
     
     PAUL REVERE VIRUS:  This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It 
     warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once if by LAN; twice if by c
     
     POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:  never identifies itself as a "virus," but 
     instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."
     
     ROSS PEROT VIRUS:  Activates every component in your system, just 
     before the whole thing quits.
     
     TED TURNER VIRUS:  Colorized your monochrome monitor.
     
     DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but 
     ewe cant figyour outt watt!
     
     GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:  Nothing works, but all your diagnostic 
     software says everything is fine.
     
     NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:  Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of 
     people really mad just thinking about it.
     
     FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:  Divides your hard disk into hundreds of 
     little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which 
     claim to be the most important part of your computer.
     
     GALLUP VIRUS:  Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent 
     of their data 14 percent of the time(plus or minus a 3.5 margin of 
     error).
     
     TEXAS VIRUS:  Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file
     
     
     ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:  Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
     
     CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:  The computer locks up, and the screen splits in 
     half fwith the same message appearing on each side of the sscreen.  
     The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the 
     other side.
     
     AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS:  You're in Dallas, but your data is in 
     Singapore.
     
     FREUDIAN VIRUS:  Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own 
     motherboard.
     
     PBS VIRUS:  Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
     
     ELVIS VIRUS:  Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self 
     destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations 
     across rural America.
     
     OLLIE NORTH VIRUS:  Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
     
     NIKE VIRUS:  Just does it.
     
     SEARS VIRUS:  Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power 
     supply, and a set of shocks.
     
     JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:  Your programs can never be found again.
     
     KEVORKIAN VIRUS:  Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
     
     STAR TREK VIRUS:  Invades your system in places where no virus has 
     gone before.
     
     HEALTH CARE VIRUS:  Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, 
     and sends you a bill for $4,500.
     Kde vira, tam laska. Kde laska, tam mir.
     
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