Why are men such jerks?
 
 It's a testosterone thing. Very similar to your PMS thing, 
we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think 
the average lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter 
(and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to 
endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.
 
 --------
 Why do men always have to ogle at other women?
 
 Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think 
that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the 
moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. 
Women are just much better at not getting caught.
I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. 
Women take one quick look and memorize it for later 
reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into 
our memory by staring as much as we can.
 
 --------
 Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
 
 We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make 
him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public 
is just an added bonus.
 
 --------
 Why do men always say such stupid things?
 
 We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner 
frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
 
 --------
 Why are men so uncommunicative?
 
 You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time 
you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
 
 --------
 Why do men have to act like such retards?
 
 Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy 
it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing 
in so much of the world nowadays.
 
 --------
 Why can't men just share their feelings?
 
 Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand 
that men and women are different? How are we supposed to 
share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless 
we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, 
or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel.
 Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
 
 --------
 Why can't men cuddle more (i.e. lie down and hug)?
 
 Please... How many hours do you think there is in a day? 
We oblige you as much as we can, but who the heck (besides 
women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men... 
Men hunters... Need go roam... Starve in cave...
 Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on our asses for hours 
on end on the other hand is a whole other story.
 
 --------
 How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?
 
 Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed 
by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time 
without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary 
to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for 
prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for 
very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to 
their progeny. The figgity types were all gobbled up by saber 
toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men 
are born with this innate ability.
 
 --------
 Why can't men just say, "I love you?"
 
 Men are taught from a tender young age to be self- sufficient. 
To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need 
you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to 
admit to one's own character faults.
 
 --------
 Why do men say, "I love you" when they hardly know me?
 
 Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's 
a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually 
still works quite well.
 
 --------
 What does it mean when men say, "I Love You?"
 
 1 Please sleep with me. 
 2 I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did. 
 3 I forgot to get you a gift; this will have to do. 
 4 Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't listening. 
 5 What did I forget? This should buy me a little time. 
 6 Stop nagging me. 
 7 What do I have to do to get a beer around here?
 
 --------
 Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?
 
 We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single 
one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, 
or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet 
and save the energy for other things.
 
 --------
 Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
 
 Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. 
Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
 
 --------
 What's with all the belching and farting?
 
 This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way 
to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or 
not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for 
extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
 
 --------
 Why do men hate shopping?
 
 It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We 
just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to 
spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention 
of killing? err... Buying?
 
 --------
 Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?
 
 Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of 
the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper 
position of the toilet seat is a function of the time spent 
peeing over the time spent sitting. The closer that ratio 
approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, it's 
actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we 
care if we pee all over the seat. You're the ones that have 
to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually
lift the darn thing. We aim to please.
 
 --------
 Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?
 
 Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde 
bimbos are generally much easier to get along (alone) with. 
They like having fun and doing exciting things. They don't 
walk around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. 
They don't ever give us a hard time for being a dumb male; 
and plus they laugh at most of our jokes (even the ones 
they don't get). What more could any of us males ask for?
 
 --------
 Why do men act like they own the remote control?
 
 What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenths 
of the law. Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to 
be entrusted to just anyone. I believe the only fair way to 
decide who gets the remote control is to arm wrestle for it.
 
 --------
 Why can't men stay on a single channel for more than two seconds?
 
 Are you kidding? What if there is something good on the 
next channel? We could miss it if we stay on one channel 
for too long. (See also: Why do men fear commitment?)
 
 --------
 Why do men fear commitment?
 
 Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 
'commitment' means and can spell it correctly. It's like 
an automobile. No matter how good you think this year's 
model is, they're always coming out with newer, faster, 
better, sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be 
expected to purchase the first one we see. We must browse 
around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a 
lemon? At least with a car, there's a slight chance of it 
eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more sense 
to lease and upgrade to the younger... err... I mean newer 
models every couple of years. Some of them come with fun 
extras like dual air bags.
 
 --------
 What does it mean when men say, "I'm just not ready for a 
relationship right now" or "I don't want a girl friend?"
 
 It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but 
not enough so that we want to see you repeatedly.
 
 --------
 What does it mean when men say, "Can we just be friends?"
 
 Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is 
physically repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be 
thick enough to provide adequate protection.
 
 --------
 Do all men really masturbate?
 
 Yes. It is genetically inherited behavior. It's been passed 
on from our most primal forefathers, and it'll be passed on 
to our sons.
 
 --------
 Why do men generally have greater upper body strength?
 
 Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, 
nutrition, and environment. (See also: Do all men really m
asturbate?)
 
 --------
 Why do men generally have better hand-eye or spatial 
coordinate motor coordination?
 
 It is like with all things. Practice... Practice... Practice... (See
also: Do all men really masturbate?)
 
 --------
 Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?
 
 As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, 
if men were obsessed with
ugly women, there would be just as much bitching 
about why men are so
obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set 
this up, some people are
always going to be left out. I don't see anyone 
screaming about equal
treatment for the stupid people either.
 
 --------
 Why do men like younger women?
 
 Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like older men, 
they're easily
impressed. They're also perky, energetic, and come with very little
baggage. And gravity has less prevail over their bodies.
 
 --------
 Why do men only have one thing on their minds?
 
 While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. 
We may only be able to entertain one idea at a time, but we do 
think of lots of other things besides sex, such as sports and beer. 
We also get hungry quite often.
 
 --------
 How can men possibly find that other woman attractive (i.e. 
whatever do you see in that fat pig)?
 
 Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the 
idea that you are ours, other women suddenly become much more 
attractive and you lose a few attractiveness points. I'm a bit puzzled 
by this one myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are just 
innocent bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should 
love us despite our inherent weakness.
 
 --------
 Why are men such dogs?
 
 I resent that. Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate... and obedient...