HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE
   
   Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
   
   Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them 
one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a 
different gender than you are.)
   
   Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by names."That's a 
good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you 
there, Chachi."
   
   Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example 
"If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
   
   Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
   
   Insist that your e-mail address be:
  Zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"
   
   Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has 
Gotten used to that, make espresso.
   
   Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they 
Want fries with that.
   
   Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent discussion about the 
direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a coworker and 
ask her to settle the disagreement.
   
   Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized 
Chair dancing.
   
   Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
   
   Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
   
   Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17 inch 
paper, 99 copies.
   
   If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking 
to others.
   
   When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield
wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep'em tuned up."
   
   Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
   
   Practice making fax and modem noises.
   
   Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

   Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
   
   Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
   
   Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire 
working area, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
   
   Staple papers in the middle of the page.
   
   Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:  "Do you hear that?"
   
   "What?"  "Never mind, it's gone now."
   
   As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
   
   Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
   
   When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
   
   Ask people what gender they are.
   
   While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
   
   Sit in your car at lunch time pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they 
slow down.
   
   Ask your coworkers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers 
in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."