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  One liner:  SLEEP.COM *** Process interrupted. Kill intruder (Y/N)?

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  Credit:  Michelle LaPierre  ; forwarded
  Subject:  Always Cover Your Bets ( or your ass)
       

   An elderly lady walked into a branch of Citibank holding a large bag in 
   her hand. She told the teller at the window that she wished to take the 
   3 million dollars that she has in the bag and open an account with the 
   bank. She said that first, though, she would like to meet the president 
   of Citibank.
       
                                                                     
   Due to the amount of money involved, the teller seemed to think that 
   this was a reasonable request and after opening the bag and seeing 
   bundles of $1000 bills which amounted to $3 million, the teller called 
   the president's secretary to obtain an appointment for the woman.
                       
   The woman was escorted up to the president's office and ushered in.  
   Introductions were made and she stated that she liked to get to know 
   the people that she did business with on a more personal level.

   The president then asked her how she came into such a large sum of 
   money.   "Was it inheritance?" he asked.
       
   "No" she answered.
       
   "Was it from playing the stock market?" he inquired.
       
   "No" she answered
       
   He was quiet for a second trying to think of where this elderly lady 
   could have possible come up with 3 million dollars.
       

   "A bet" she stated
       

   "As in the horses?" he asked
          
   
   "No," She replied. "I bet people." Seeing his confusion, she explained  
   that she just bet on different things with people. All of a sudden she 
   said "I'll bet you $25,000 that by 10:00 tomorrow morning your balls 
   will be square."
          
   
   The bank president thought that this old lady was off her rocker and 
   decided to take the bet. He didn't know how he could lose.
          
   
   For the rest of the day he was very careful. He decided to stay home 
   that evening and take no chances as there was $25,000 at stake.
          
   
   When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make 
   sure everything was ok. There was no difference in his scrotal 
   appearence.   They looked the same as always. He went to work and 
   waited for the woman to come in at 10:00, humming as he went.
          
   
   He knew that this would be his lucky day. How often do you get paid 
   $25,000 for doing nothing?
          
   
   At 10:00 sharp the woman was shown into his office. With her was a man. 
   When the bank president asked what the other man was doing in his 
   office, she informed the president that he was her lawyer and she always 
   took him  along when there was that much money involved.
          
   
   "Well" she asked, "What about the bet?"
          
   
   "I don't know how to tell you this" he replied, "But I am the same as 
   I've always been, only $25,000 richer."
          
   
   The lady seemed to except this, but requested that she see for herself. 
   The president thought this was a reasonable request given the amount of 
   money involved, and he dropped his trousers.
          
   
   She instructed him to bend over and then grabbed hold of him....sure 
   enough, everything was fine. His balls were not square.
          
   
   The president looked up and saw her lawyer standing there across the 
   room banging his head against the wall. "Whats with him?" he inquired
          
   
   "Oh, him," she answered. "I bet him $100,000 that by 10:00 this 
   morning I'd have the president of Citibank by the balls."
   
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