The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one
that heralds the most discoveries, is not 'Eureka!'
(I found it!) but 'That's funny...'

--Isaac Asimov

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 The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new elements for the 
Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:
 
 Limbaughium  Lb
 The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. 
Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements 
that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons.
 
 Billclintium  Bc
 With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a 
series of interesting changes when in hot water.
 
 Canadium  Eh
 Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called Boron.
 
 Innofensium  Pc
 Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons, quarks.
Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.
 
 Quaylium  Vp
 Einsteinium it ain't.
 
 Budweisium  Ps
 Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.
 
 Cabmium  Cb
 Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion 
and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you do. 
Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is variable, and 
scientists have not determined the formula for calculating it.
 
 Politicium  Po
 Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal 
concentrations in the House.
 
 Congress Cg
 Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.
 
 Snot  Sn
 Bonds forever with corduroy.