My darling Grandson,

I have aged a little since I saw you last, and a few changes have come
into my life since then. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old Grannie. I
am seeing five gentlemen everyday. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps
me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along,
and when he's here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves,
Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay
in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy
day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay.

What a life. Oh yes! I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.

Love,

Grandma Gussie

P.S. Rabbi Abrams came to call the other day.  He said at my age I should
be thinking of the hereafter.  I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter
where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement,
I ask myself........... "Now, what am I here after?"


------------------------------------
Subject: Alice and the wheelchair


Alice is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loves to charge
around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting
up to  maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor dear is several sandwiches short of a picnic, the
other residents tolerate her eccentric behavior, and some of them
even join in the fun.

One day Alice is speeding along one of the corridors when a man
steps out of one of the doorways with his arm outstretched: "Stop!"
he says firmly, "Have you got a license for that thing?"

Alice fishes around in her handbag and pulls out a Kit-Kat wrapper,
which she hands to him with a big smile.  "OK," he says, and off
she goes again.

Taking the corner by the TV lounge on one wheel as usual, she
finds  another man standing in the corridor in front of her.  "Stop!
Have you got a valid tax disc for that vehicle, madam?"

Alice digs into her handbag again and comes up with a well-used
beermat, which she presents for inspection, whereupon she is sent
on her  way once more.

Heading down the last corridor before the front door, a third man
steps out in front of her.  He is stark naked, and holding a sizable
erection in one hand.

"Oh no," cries Alice, "Not the breathalyzer again!"