Famous and Not So Famous Beer Quotes:
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 The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
      --Humphrey Bogart
 
 People who drink "light beer" don't really like the taste of beer;
they just like to pee a lot.
      --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
 
 "Put it back in the horse."
        --H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, 
		after drinking his first American beer.
 
 Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
        --Catherine Zandonella
 
 Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of 
denying himself a pleasure.
          --Ambrose Bierce
 
 
 Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
      --
 I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
      --
 A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency
to thank her.
      --
 
 What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
       --W.C. Fields
 
 Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
 
 Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
       --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
 Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
       --his reply
 
 If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us
stomachs.
       --David Daye
 
 Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
       --Oscar Wilde
 
 When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
       --Henny Youngman
 
 Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all 
of the time and have the time of your life.  I'd rather have a bottle 
in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
       --Tom Waits
 
 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?  I think not.
 Beer is good food.
         --John Goodman
 
 So, you don't like jail? Naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in
there.
         --Charles Bukowski
 
 If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet  it
Makes beer shoot out your nose.
         --Deep Thought, Jack Handy
 
 It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
 Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
 Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore.
 Beer:  Nature's laxative.
 
 One more drink and I'd be under the host.
       --Dorothy Parker
 
 When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a
year.  I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire
 winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
         --Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry
 
 Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
 Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel 
does not go nearly as well with pizza.
           --Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry
 
 Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and 
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient
in beer.
          --Dave Barry
 
 My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find
that workouts cut into my drinking time.
          --A Wolverine is Eating My Leg (Lewis Grizzard? Roy Blount,Jr.?)
 
 Draft beer, not people
 
 A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
       --Edward Abbey