Aries   	Mar.21-Apr.19         
    You are the pioneer type and hold most people
    in contempt.  You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of
    advice.  You are a pain in the neck.
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  Taurus  	Apr.20-May 20 
    You are practical and persistent.  You have a
    dogged determination and work like hell.  Most people think you are
stubborn and bullheaded.  You are a nothing more than a Damn Communist.
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  Gemini	May 21-June 20 
    You are a quick and intelligent thinker.  Most
    people like you because you are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to
expect too much for too little.  In other words, you are cheap bastard.
Geminis are known for committing incest.
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  Cancer	June 21-July 22 
    You are sympathetic and understanding to other
    people's problems.  They think you are a sucker.  You are always putting
things off; that's why you'll never make anything of yourself.  Most welfare
recipients are Cancer people.
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  Leo	July 23-Aug.22 
    You consider yourself a born leader.  Others
    think you are just pushy.  Most Leos are bullies.  You are vain
    and dislike honest criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.
    Leo people are thieves.
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  Virgo	Aug.23-Sept.22 
    You are the logical type and hate disorder.
    This nit-picking is sickening to your friends.  You are cold and
    unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love.
    Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
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  Libra	Sept.23-Oct.21 
    You are the artistic type and have a difficult
    time with reality.  If you are a man, you are more than likely
    gay.  Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent.  Most Libra
women are good prostitutes.  All Libras die of venereal disease.
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  Scorpio	Oct.22-Nov.21 
    You are shrewd in business and cannot be
    trusted.  You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of
    your total lack of ethics.  Most Scorpios are murdered.
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  Sagittarius   Nov.22-Dec.21 
    You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
    You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, since you lack
    talent.  The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dopers.
    People laugh at you a great deal.
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  Capricorn	Dec.22-Jan.19 
   You are conservative and afraid of taking
    risks.  You don't do much of anything; you are lazy.  There has
    never been a Capricorn of any importance.  Capricorns should avoid
standing still for too long, as they take root and become trees.
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  Aquarius	Jan.20-Feb.18 
    You have an inventive mind and are inclined to
    be progressive.  You lie a great deal.  On the other hand, you are
inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes
over and over again.  People think you are stupid.
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  Pisces	Feb.19-Mar.20 
    You have a vivid imagination and often think
    you are being followed by the CIA or FBI.  You have minor
    influence over your associates, and people resent you for
    flaunting your power.  You lack confidence and are generally a
    coward.  Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.
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