MEN
  THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE:
 
  AGE DRINK
  17 beer
  25 beer
  35 vodka
  48 double vodka
  66 Maalox
  
  SEDUCTION LINE
  17 My parents are away for the weekend.
  25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
  35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
  48 My wife is away for the weekend.
  66 My second wife is dead.
  
  FAVORITE SPORT
  17 sex
  25 sex
  35 sex
  48 sex
  66 napping
  
  DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
  17 "tongue"
  25 "breakfast"
  35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
  48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
  66 "Got home alive."
  
  FAVORITE FANTASY
  17 getting to third
  25 airplane sex
  35 menage a trois
  48 taking the company public
  66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
  
  HOUSE PET
  17 roaches
  25 stoned-out college roommate
  35 Irish setter
  48 children from his first marriage
  66 Barbi
  
  WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED
  17 25
  25 35
  35 48
  48 66
  66 17
  
  IDEAL DATE
  17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
  25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
  35 "Just come over."
  48 "Just come over and cook."
  66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
  -------------------------------------------------------
  WOMEN
  THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE:
 
  AGE DRINK
  17 Wine Coolers
  25 White wine
  35 Red wine
  48 Dom Perignon
  66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
  
  EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
  17 Need to wash my hair
  25 Need to wash and condition my hair
  35 Need to color my hair
  48 Need to have Francois color my hair
  66 Need to have Francois color my wig
  
  FAVORITE SPORT
  17 shopping
  25 shopping
  35 shopping
  48 shopping
  66 shopping
  
  DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
  17 "Burger King"
  25 "Free meal"
  35 "A diamond"
  48 "A bigger diamond"
  66 "Home Alone"
  
  FAVORITE FANTASY
  17 tall, dark and handsome
  25 tall, dark and handsome with money
  35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
  48 a man with hair
  66 a man
  
  HOUSE PET
  17 Muffy the cat
  25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
  35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
  48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
  66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat
  
  WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
  17 17
  25 25
  35 35
  48 48
  66 66
  
  IDEAL DATE
  17 He offers to pay
  25 He pays
  35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
  48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
  66 He can chew breakfast