REPORT: INTERNET CAN MAKE YOU LONELY, DEPRESSED

Internet users who spend even a few hours a week online at home
experience higher levels of depression and loneliness than if they
had used the computer network less frequently, The New York Times
reported.

Mandatory stupid jokes follow: Reasons why the 'Net makes me
depressed:

* 0.00001% response rate to my multi-level marketing spam.

* So difficult to convey the effects of my plastic surgery via
   ASCII.

* My inability to spell is now well-known to 2 billion people around
   the world.

* Lost a bundle at some Internet casino based in Moldavia.

* People in my favorite mailing list believe that I am a bot and
   send me messages in binary form only.

* My dog got hold of my password and now my mailbox is clogged with
   posts from lists called "Macho.canines" and "All.cats.are.wimps."

* Cherry Bonbon, one of the darlings of my favorite newsgroup, has
   turned out to be a female impersonator.

* I discovered that my ISP modem is two tin cans connected by a piece
   of string.

* My latest post, "The use of interest rates in currency support,
   whilst maintaining a sustainable growth," to an Economy list has 
   been acknowledged by the listowner with: "HAHAHAHAHA!!"

* My latest joke to HAPPY.HUMOR resulted in 1743 e-mails telling me
   that it was the most moving, touching, heart-breaking story they 
   had ever read.

* The members of my online support group called "There is always
   hope 4U" think I am hopeless.