Subject: Cold Weather


   Degrees (Fahrenheit)/Activity

 60    Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
 50    Miami residents turn on the heat
 45    Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts
 40    You can see your breath
         Californians shiver uncontrollably
         Minnesotans go swimming
 35    Italian cars don't start
 32    Water freezes
 30    You plan your vacation to Australia
 25    Ohio water freezes
         Californians weep pitiably
         Minnesotans eat ice cream
         Canadians go swimming
 20    Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
         New York City water freezes
         Miami residents plan vacation further South
 15    French cars don't start
         Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
 10    You need jumper cables to get the car going
  5     American cars don't start
  0     Alaskans put on T-shirts
 -10   German cars don't start
         Eyes freeze shut when you blink
 -15   You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
         Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
         Miami residents cease to exist
 -20   Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
         Politicians actually do something about the homeless
         Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
         Japanese cars don't start
 -25   Too cold to think
         You need jumper cables to get the driver going
 -30   You plan a two week hot bath
         Swedish cars don't start
 -40   Californians disappear
         Minnesotans button top button
         Canadians put on sweaters
         Your car helps you plan your trip South
 -50   Congressional hot air freezes
         Alaskans close the bathroom window
 -80   Heck freezes over
         Polar bears move South
         Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game
 -90   Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets