Credit: fig4159@aol.com

"Office Holiday Memo"		

To:	All Employees
From:	Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the
 following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal 
Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).  
 
1.  Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make 
tinsel is discouraged.  
2.  Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden 
(it runs up an incredible long distance bill)
3.  Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."
4.  Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and 
through the woods to Grandma's house.  
5.  All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.  
6.  Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.  

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday. 

----- ------
credit: kehlndeb@cyberia.com

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the 
Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner 
arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and 
bathe all the reindeer.  Santa got his logbook out and 
made sure all his paperwork was in order.  He knew they 
would examine all his equipment and truly
put his flying skills to the test.

The examiner walked slowly around the sled.  He checked 
the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's 
nose.  He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and 
balance calculations for sled's enormous payload.

Finally, they were ready for the check ride.  Santa got in and 
fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked 
the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to 
Santa's surprise, a shotgun.

"What's that for?!?" asked Santa incredulously.

The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell 
you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in 
Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."