Date: Sun, 15 Sep 1996 17:29:59 
Subject: 20!!!

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  One liner:  Berserkers do it without thinking.

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  Credit:  Ben Saunders ; forwarded 
            by Ione Skafte 

   In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, editors quoted from 
   "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, 
   telling the following story:
   
   It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for 
   testing the strength of windshields on airplanes.  The device is a gun that 
   launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed 
   the plane flies.
   
   The theory is that if the windshield crack from the carcass impact,
   it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight.  It seems the 
   British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a 
   brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.
   
   They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The
   ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's 
   chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of 
   the engine cab.  The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the 
   test to see if everything was done correctly.
   
   The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation:
   
   "Use a thawed chicken."

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  Credit:  Dragon ; forwarded by
            Eric A Stewart 
  Subject: HUM: Why E-Mail is Like a Penis (fwd)

   WHY E-MAIL IS LIKE A PENIS
   
   Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if
   it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are
   somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.  Those
   who don't have it may agree that it's an nifty toy, but think it's not
   worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it.  Still, many of
   those who don't have it would like to try it.
   
   It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard
   to get any real work done.
   
   In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information
   considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think
   that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it
   for fun most of the time.
   
   Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people
   would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
   
   It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this
   interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's
   hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too
   late.
   
   If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread
   viruses.
   
   It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too
   much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think
   coherently.
   
   We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size
   and influence warrant.
   
   If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big
   trouble.
   
   It has its own agenda.  Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it
   will warp you behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I
   do that?"
   
   It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will
   just do the same damn dumb things it did before.

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  Credit: John Pham at GAMMA2; forwarded by
           "mike berryhill" 
  Subject: Potential vs Reality

    A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his 
    father for help.  "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential 
    and reality?"
    
    His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you.
    
    "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million 
    dollars.  Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a 
    million dollars.  Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
    
    The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his 
    father means.  He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million 
    dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around 
    slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your 
    father, but, yes, I would."
    
    Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you 
    a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up 
    and says, "Omigod!   Definitely!"
    
    The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it 
    out.
    
    "Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are 
    living with a couple of whores."