Subject: Jokes 19

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  One liner:  "Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack."

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  Credit:  PYATT SCOTT ; forwarded 
            by mike berryhill 
  Subject: Customer Survey


   Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.  In order 
   to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the 
   warranty registration card below.  Answering the survey questions is not 
   required, but the information will help us to develop new products that 
   best meet your needs and desires.
   
   1. _Mr.  _Mrs.  _Ms.  _Miss _Lt.  _Gen.  _Comrade _Classified _Other
   
   First Name____________________Initial____Last Name______________________
   
   Latitude________________________Longitude_______________________________
   
   Altitude________________________
   
   Password, Code Name, Etc.__________________
   
   2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
   
   _A-4 Skyhawk _F-4 Phantom _F-15 Eagle _F/A-18 Hornet 
   _KC-10 Extender _Classified
   
   3. Date of purchase:
   Month___________Day___________Year____________
   
   4. Serial Number____________________
   
   5. Please check where this product was purchased:
     _Received as Gift/Aid Package
     _Catalog Showroom
     _Sleazy Arms Broker
     _Mail Order
     _Discount Store
     _Government Surplus
     _Classified
   
   6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
      you have just purchased:
   
     _Heard loud noise, looked up
     _Store Display
     _Espionage
     _Recommended by friend/relative/ally 
     _Political lobbying by Manufacturer
     _Was attacked by one
   
   7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your
      decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
   
     _Style/Appearance
     _Kickback/Bribe
     _Recommended by salesperson
     _Speed/Maneuverability
     _Comfort/Convenience
     _McDonnell Douglas Reputation
     _Advanced Weapons Systems
     _Price/Value
     _Back-Room Politics
     _Negative experience opposing one in combat
   
   8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
   
     _North America
     _Central/South America
     _Aircraft Carrier
     _Europe
     _Middle East
     _Africa
     _Asia/Far East
     _Misc. Third-World Countries
     _Classified
   
   9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to
      purchase in the near future:
   
      _Color TV
      _VCR
      _ICBM
      _Killer Satellite
      _CD Player
      _Air-to-Air Missiles
      _Space Shuttle
      _Home Computer
      _Nuclear Weapon
   
   10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
       Check all that apply:
   
      _Communist/Socialist
      _Terrorist
      _Crazed (Islamic)
      _Crazed (Other)
      _Neutral
      _Democratic
      _Dictatorship
      _Corrupt (Latin American)
      _Corrupt (Other)
      _Primitive/Tribal
   
   11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
   
     _Cash
     _Suitcases of Cocaine
     _Oil Revenues
     _Deficit Spending
     _Personal Check
     _Credit Card
     _Ransom Money
     _Traveler's Check
   
   12. Occupation You Your Spouse
   
      _Homemaker
      _Sales/Marketing
      _Revolutionary
      _Clerical
      _Mercenary
      _Tyrant
      _Middle Management
      _Eccentric Billionaire
      _Defense Minister/General
      _Retired
      _Student
   
   13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate
       the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy 
       participating on a regular basis:
   
      Activity/Interest You/Your Spouse
      _Golf
      _Boating/Sailing
      _Sabotage
      _Running/Jogging
      _Propaganda/Disinformation
      _Destabilizing/Overthrow
      _Default on Loans
      _Gardening
      _Crafts
      _Black Market/Smuggling
      _Collectibles/Collections
      _Watching Sports on TV
      _Wines
      _Interrogation/Torture
      _Household Pets
      _Crushing Rebellions
      _Espionage/Reconnaissance
      _Fashion Clothing
      _Border Disputes
      _Mutually Assured Destruction
   
   Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.  Your answers 
   will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you 
   better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and 
   special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and 
   mysterious consortia.
   
   Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?  Please write to:
   
   McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
   Marketing Department
   Military Aerospace Division
   P.O. Box 800
   St. Louis, MO 55500