Credit: kehlndeb@cyberia.com

A man walks into the woman's section of a department store 
and tells the sales clerk he wants to buy a bra for his wife.  

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.  

"Type?" inquires the man.  "There's more than one type?"  

"There are three types," replies the clerk. "The Catholic type, the
Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type.  Which one do you need?"  

Still confused, the man asks, "What's the difference?"

The clerk responds, "It is really very easy.  The Catholic type 
supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen 
and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

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Credit: FIG4159@aol.com

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and
the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various
methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that
the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the
heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her
heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that
her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
So she shot herself in the left kneecap.