Credit: Kitcat (gators@ao.net)

A young lady on vacation heads for the deck of the hotel's roof for some
sun. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but as no one is around she 
slips it off for an over-all tan on the second day.  She is lying on her
stomach when she hears someone running up the stairs.  She quickly pulls
a towel over her derriere.

"Excuse me, miss," says the flustered assistant hotel manager.  "The 
hotel doesn't mind you sunning on the roof, but we would very much 
appreciate you wearing our bathing suit as you did yesterday.

"What difference does it make?  No one can see me up here and, besides, 
I'm covered with a towel," she responded.

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man.  "You're lying on the dining 
room skylight."

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credit: Julie (Fig4159@aol.com)

There was a guy in the park sunbathing naked.  He's laying there
reading a newspaper when a little girl walks up to him and stares at him.
The man notices the little girl so his first reaction was to cover his
private parts.  The naked man tells the little girl to go away and play
somewhere else.  The little girls agrees only if the man would answer
one question. He says "OK, but hurry up".  The little girl wants to know
what the man has under the newspaper.  The man smirks and says "I
have a little bird under there.  Now go away".  The man falls asleep and a
couple of hours later wakes up in the hospital.  There is a cop standing over
him asking questions.  Being a somewhat smart cop he decides to go to
the scene where the incident occurred and finds the little girl.  The cop asks
the little girl what happened and she told the cop this story:

"I asked the man what he had under the newspaper and he told me he had
a little bird. I wanted to play with it so when he fell asleep I began to play
with his bird.  All of a sudden the bird spit in my face so I got pissed off
and broke the birds neck, crushed his eggs and set his nest on fire.............