•Springfield Auto Show. We salute the American worker. Now 61%
drug free!
•Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. As seen on 60 minutes.
•Blood donors needed. We buy blood. Turkey day special $12.00.
•The Lucky Stiff funeral home. "We put the fun in funeral"
•Stinking Fish Realty. With a name this bad, we've got to be good.
•Toxic Waste. Do not eat.
•Happy Hour: 5:00 to 5:30.
•Give a hoot! Read a book.
•Home Security Trust. We're not a Savings & Loan.
•Grandma's World. For the old lady in all of us.
•Merry Widow Insurance Co.
•New Bedlam. Rest home for the Emotionally Interesting.
•Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn. We're now Rat-Free! Little Miss Springfield
Pageant tonight!
•I can't believe it's a law firm!
•Ladies night. Unescorted ladies drink free.
•Krusty's Non-Narkotik Kough Syrup for kids.
•Springfield Martial Arts Academy. Springfield Mall - next to
Shakespeare's Fried Chicken.
•Yiddle's. Practical jokes, magic tricks, and medical supplies.
•Discount Lion Safari. If you can find a cheaper lion, you must
be in Africa.
•Clumsy Student Movers.
•Who's To Know Motel.
•Get a mammogram, man!
•Jittery Joe's Coffee Shop.
•Prohibition got you down? Drink Doctor Duff's health tonic.
•Friends don't let friends drive. It's always time for Duff.
•The Krusty home pregnancy test. Warning: May cause birth defects!
•Krusty brand sulfuric acid.
•Springfield Retirement Castle. Where the elderly can hide from the
inevitable.
•Wall E. Weasel's (pizza place). We cram fun down your throat.
•Springfield Penitentiary. America's fastest growing prison.
•Native American Ice Cream (formerly "Big Chief Crazy Cone")
•Springfield Mystery Spot. Where logic takes a holiday and all laws of
nature are meaningless.
•Diz-Nee-Land. Not affiliated with Disneyland, Disney World, or anything
else from the Walt Disney Company.
•Springfield Sperm Bank. Put your sperm in our hands.
•Entering Badlands. High-speed chases use diamond lane.
•Simply Shoes and athletic equipment, and active wear.
•Temple Beth Springfield. Rabbi Hyman Krustofski. This Saturday: "Coping
with Christmas"
•VHS Village. Formerly the Beta Barn.
•Video Tapes: Football's Greatest Injuries.
 •Movie Titles: •I'll fry your face III
•The Smell in Room 19
•Honey, I Hit a School Bus.
•Look Who's Oinking
•The Stockholm Affair
•Ernest Vs. The Pope.
•XXX Sperm of Endearment (I'll do anyone).
•For Your Thighs Only
•Crocodile Done Me
•Veterans of popular wars.
•Cathedral of the Downtown: Archbishop Carries Less Than $20
•Krusty's non toxic Kologne. Warning: use in a well-ventilated area. May
stain furniture. May cause chemical burns.
•Pool Sharks: Where the Buyer is our Chum
•Gummy bears--candy that hibernates in your colon
•Springfield Psychiatric Center--"Because there may not be bugs on you"