The government really does pay certain farmers not to raise a crop.

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 From: Griswold, Nancy 
 Date: Monday, November 03, 1997 9:33 AM
 
 	     TO:	Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
 Washington, D.C.
 	
Dear Sir:
 	
 	     My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a
 check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs.  So, I
 want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.
 	
 	     What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best
 kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs
 not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in
 keeping with all governmental policies.  I would prefer not to raise
 razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just
 as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
 	
 	     As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in
 keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
 	
 	     My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of
 the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the
 best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he
 got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.
 	
 	     If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000
 for not raising 100 hogs?  I plan to operate on a small scale at
 first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which
 will mean about $80,000 the first year.  Then I can afford an
 airplane.
 	
 	     Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not
 eat 100,000 bushels of corn.  I understand that you also pay
 farmers for not raising corn and wheat.  Will I qualify for payments
 for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not
 going to raise?
 	
 	     Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business,
 so send me any information you have on that too.
 	
 	     In view of these circumstances, you understand that I
 will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and
 food stamps.
 	
 	     Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

 PatrioticallyYours,
 	
 	
 	     Dogbyte
 	
P.S.  Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.