Credit: Nancy Hill 
Subject: Sneaky...


"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they
have sex in the dark.  Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions,
during a passionate evening, she flipped on the lamp--only to discover a
cucumber in his hand.

Is THIS what you've been using on me for the past 10 years!?!"
"Honey! Let me explain!"

"Why you sneaky bastard!" she screamed.
"You impotent SOB!!"

"Speaking of sneaky!" he interrupted,
"Maybe you'd care to explain our 2 kids!!!"

------
Credit: 
Subject: Drunk...

          
   After a hard day at the office, three guys decide to go out for a        
   cocktail to wind down.  The bar becomes very crowded, a few drinks         
   turns into many and soon everyone is tanked.  All three lose track of each 
   other and end up going home separately.
   
   The next day at the office, the three gather by the water cooler to 
   discuss the past evenings events.  The first guy says, "I got so drunk   
   last night that I went home and blew chunks." 

   The second guy pipes in, "That's nothing.  I got so drunk that I got in my 
   car and drove it right into a telephone pole. Totaled it.  I didn't get 
   hurt but now I have no car." 

   The third guy says, "Well, I got so drunk that when I got home, I cussed 
   my girlfriend out and knocked over a candle which lit the apartment on fire. 
   She dumped me, all my belongings are destroyed and the home insurance won't
   cover the damage."
   
   The first guy motions the two to come closer and whispers, "I'm not sure 
   you understand.  Chunks is my dog."