Clinton Report

Things came to a head last week and the name Monica Lewinski is fast
becoming a real mouthful at the Whitehouse. The latest news about President Clinton
is definitely hard to swallow and seems certain to leave a nasty taste in the
mouth of the current administration. It will be some time before all the
stains resulting from this issue are removed from the Oval Office. Monica
Lewinski has proven to be not as tight lipped as Clinton had hoped and is
expected to spit out the truth to a Grand Jury tomorrow. She will surely
go down in history for her orations concerning the comings and goings behind
the doors of the Oval Office.  Monica was apparently on her knees when she
received the recent gagging order from the Whitehouse and now has to
decide whether to swallow her pride and dispose of the evidence, or to succumb to
the deep throated rumblings of the Washington Press Corp and spill the
issue wide open.

Any attempt by Lewinski to suck up to Clinton can only be construed as lip
service and Clinton would be advised to try and minimize the impact of
this, the latest in a long series of blows he has received since coming to
power. Despite this latest blow, job security for the President seems to be
assured, as he can rely on his proven oral skills to promote career in public
speaking, being, as he has often shown, a cunning linguist.  (although
Hillary Clinton may disagree with this, as she claims she is rarely on the
end of a tongue lashing from Bill!) Miss Lewinski is from a naval
background and her choice of Clinton as a lover is somewhat surprising given her
preference for seamen.

According to her lawyer, Miss Lewinski likes to see men in power and
relished the thought of taking a length of time to chew things over with the
President, whenever she could fit him in. And the President was equally
keen to see Miss Lewinski, always putting on a spurt when he entered her
office. Miss Lewinski has apparently been offered a PR job by Listerine who described
her as spunky enough for the any job. Her name has also been associated with Big
Gulp soda advertising and Kleenex.