One liner:  Backup not found: 
              (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup 
              (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic 
              (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network? 
              (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer? 
              (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)ray? 

---

  Credit:   Jodi Marsh 
  Subject: Fairy Tale: Pinnochio
  
     One day, Pinnochio and his girlfriend were in bed
   doing what girls and wooden boys do.  As they were cuddling later, 
   Pinnochio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend.  So, 
   he asked her, "What's the matter, baby?"
       
    Pinnochio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're probably the 
   best guy I've ever met, but every time we make love you give me 
   splinters."
       
    This remark bothered Pinnochio a great deal, so the next day he went to 
   seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto. When Pinnochio arrived, 
   Gepetto could tell something was bothering Pinnochio, and asked him what 
   was the matter.  As Pinnochio revealed his dilemma to Gepetto, Gepetto 
   searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that 
   sandpaper might be able to "smooth" out Pinnochio's relationship with his 
   girlfriend.  Pinnochio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way. 
       
    Gepetto had not heard from Pinnochio for a while and therefore assumed 
   that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinnochio's problems.   A couple 
   weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the 
   hardware store when he ran into Pinnochio.  When he saw Pinnochio buying 
   all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, 
   "So, Pinnochio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls," 
   to which Pinnochio replied "Girls, who needs girls?!?"
---
credit: Richard Stobart

   Sleeping  Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible
  fight. "I am the most beautiful person  in the world," proclaimed Sleeping
  Beauty.
  
   "No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.
  
   I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.
  
   "No,  you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan
  
   "IÆve had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan.
  
   "No, you havenÆt" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
  
   Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed
  a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in
  the world, would be ideal.  Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his
  palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.
  
   Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out
  beaming. "I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so."
  
   In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty.
   "I am the smallest person in the world.  Merlin agrees."
  
   In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and
  a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell
  is Bill Clinton"