ONLY IN MERRY OLDE ENGLAND (actual trial)
  
   A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.  
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling 
humiliated on account of her condition.  She changed her seat 
and he seemed more amused.  She moved again and then on 
her fourth move he burst out laughing.  She had him arrested.  
When the case came before the court, the young man was as 
asked why he acted in such a manner.  His reply was:
  
   When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she 
was pregnant.  She sat under an advertisement which read 
"Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under 
one that read "Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling".  I was 
even more amused when she sat under a  shaving 
advertisement which read "William Stick Did The Trick". 
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth 
move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop 
Rubber would have prevented this accident."
  
   He won the case.
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I WOULD HAVE SAID YES THE FIRST TIME HE ASKED!!

A chap with a 50 inch long dick goes to his doctor to complain
 that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They 
all tell me that my dick is too long. "Doctor," he asked, in total 
frustration, "is there any way you can shorten it?"

     The doctor replied, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do.  
But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you."  So the 
doctor gives him directions to the witch.  The man calls upon
 the witch and relays his story.  "Witch, my dick is 50 inches 
long and I can't get any women to have sex with me.  Can you 
help me shorten it?"

     The witch asks, "Pull it out and let me look at it."  The man 
uncoils his 50 inch rod. The witch stares in amazement, scratches 
her head, and then replies, "I think I have a solution to your 
problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the 
forest. In the pond you will see a frog sitting on a log who 
can help solve your dilemma. First you must ask the frog,
will you marry me? Each time the frog declines your proposal, 
your dick will be ten inches shorter."

     The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. 
He came upon the pond and sure enough, there sat this frog on a log.

     He called out to the frog, "will you marry me?"  The frog 
looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO".  The man looked 
down and suddenly his dick was 10 inches shorter. "WOW," he 
screamed out loud, "This is great!!  But it's still too long at 40 
inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again."

     "Frog, will you marry me?," the guy shouted.  The frog rolled 
its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"  The man 
felt another twitch  in his dick, looked down, and it was another 
10 inches shorter.  The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He 
looked down at his dick again, 30 inches long, and reflected 
for a moment.  Thirty inches is still a monster, just a little less
would be ideal.  So, I'll ask the frog to marry me one more time.

     Grinning, he  looked  across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"

     The frog looked back across pond shaking its head, 
     "NO..........NO..........and for the last time..........NO."
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MEET ME IN THE LOBBY

     A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a 
question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally 
bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow 
goes into her breast.
    
     They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 
"Ma'am, if  your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
    
     She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."