Subject: Jokes R Us!!

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  One liner:  I want American food, damnit, I want French Frys.

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  Credit:  Peter_Ogden@pcp.ca (Peter Ogden) and about 40+ other people who had
            sent this to me in the last 6 months.

     
     Subject: Darwin Award nominee
     
     Gruesome, yet somehow hilarious...
     
     You have heard about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to 
     the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing 
     themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner 
     was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on 
     top of him as he was attempting to tip a free pop out of it.
     
     And this year's nominee is:
     
     The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal 
     embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of 
     a curve.  The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it 
     was a car.  The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.  The lab 
     finally figured out what it was and what happened.  It seems that a 
     guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off - 
     actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military 
     transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields.  
     He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, 
     straight stretch of road.  Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, 
     jumped in, got up some speed and fired the JATO!  The facts as best as 
     could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the 
     JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash 
     site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted 
     asphalt at that location.
     
     The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust 
     within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 
     350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.  
     The driver, soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced 
     G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full 
     after-burners, basically causing him to become insignificant for the 
     remainder of the event.  However, the automobile remained on the 
     straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver 
     applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and 
     leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne 
     for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height 
     of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
     
     Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small 
     fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and 
     fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris 
     believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.