SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TOO DRUNK:
 
 You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
 
 You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
 
 The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
 
 Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
 
 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not!
 
 Two hands, just one mouth - now THAT'S a drinking problem.
 
 You can focus better with one eye closed.
 
 The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
 
 You fall off the floor.
 
 Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
 
 Hey, five beers has just as many calories as a burger... screw dinner!
 
 Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you!
 
 Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
 
 You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, 
you fell asleep clothed.  - hmmmm.
 
 The whole bar says "hi" when you come in.
 
 You think the four basic food groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, 
Alcohol  and [Men or Women]. Roseanne/Drew Carey looks good.
 
 Don't recognize spouse unless seen through the bottom of glass.
 
 That damned pink elephant followed you home again.
 
 I'm as jober as a sudge.
 
 The shrubbery's drunk from too much watering.



*******************
From:	IN%"carole@intercon.com" 
Subject: FYI:  Driver Education

The number one killer of young Americans is the automobile.
However, the Secular Humanists dominating our schools refuse
to acknowledge that the only safe driving is abstinence from
driving.  Instead, they advocate courses in "Driver Education",
in which teenagers are taught "Safe Driving", and no
attention is given to traditional values.  They are even
taught the use of "Seat Belts" (and some classes even give
explicit demonstrations of the proper method of applying these
belts!) with, at best, a passing mention that the protection
provided by these belts is only partial.  Clearly, this sends
a mixed message to our young people: it appears to condone
driving, and the more inquisitive will surely feel encouraged
to experiment with driving.

Stop the wanton slaughter!  Contact your school board member
and insist that driving be taught in the family, in a climate
where the moral implications are not overlooked; not in the
schools where hedonistic instructors teach driving as a
mere form of pleasure.

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