From: mju@ladyburn.pdl.cs.cmu.edu

------- start of forwarded message -------
This week's top ten list  of alternative Babylon 5 Intro's from the home office
on Kosh's lap:

TOP TEN SEASON FOUR INTRO'S


10:  Zathras:  "This babylon five is, was, were, er, this is the one 
(Sheridan), this is the one (Delenn), this is not the one (Garibaldi), 
this is the wrong actor (Leslie Nielson), er, is the fourty-fifth age of, 
er, my grand aunt Sarah, and Zathras like show, so Zathras gonna shut up 
and watch it...Zathras not good at Shutting up during the show, 
but...(etc ad nauseum).

9:  (Stanley Kubrick guest director version).  A bunch of apes are 
sitting around...a big black monolith starts humming the B5 theme 
song...one of the apes (who looks a tad like JMS) grabs one of the bones, 
tosses it into the air....up into space...where it becomes Babylon5, 
while Londo's head rises over Lennier's and then Epsilon 3.

8:  Garibaldi, with a banjo..."Lemme tellya the story of a man named 
Sheridan, Came to B5 and got them outta the red, then one day he was 
snoopin round with Kosh, and then up came Delenn and told him bad 
news....Shadows...Blackness...Fire...Shit hits the Fan...

Well the next thing ya know 'ol Sheridan's in charge
of the Army of light got himself a cause
So here it is Babylon5
Our last hope for Victory

Victory that is...Light wins...no more shadows...live rent-free!
 
7.  (sung to the tune of "Green Acres")
(sung by Sheridan)
Baaabeeelon 5 is the place to be
Fightn' shadows is the life for me
May go to Za' ha' dum and die
Forget Anna and the EA and stay by Delenn's side
(sung by Deleen)
Babylon5 is where I wanna stay
Keeping evil and Lennier's libido at bay
Gave up that head crest, gray and wide
Became human to jump the captain's hide

Babylon5 we are here.....

(Buh-du-da-dump-dump....dah-dump!)

6.  (sung by a slobbering Harry Carry)
(to the tune of "take me out to the ball game")
Take me out to babylon 5 yeah!
Take me out to space!
Londo, Garibaldi and his friend Zack
I don't care if the shadows attack!

Ivanova says boom! boom! not today but tommorrow
Sinclair went back with B4
Cause it B, B, B5 and the whole B5 gang!

5.  (sung by Bert, dressed as a Psi-Cop and Ernie with a centauri hairdo)

Come and stay
Join in the fray
the ensueing melee
fighting what ya can't see

can you tell me how to get
how to get to babylon five?
(repeat)

Bert(in Psi-Corps outfit): Today's babylon5 is brought to you by the greek 
letter psi 
Ernie:  Gee, Bert, what begins with psi?
Bert: Well, how about Psi-corps, or Psi-Cop?
Ernie:  Gee, Bert, I really don't like the...(Bert stares at Ernie and 
Ernie's head explodes)
Bert:  Kids, the psi-corps is your friend!

4.  THIS IS BABYLON5 (whooooosh!)

NOW ENTERING THE STUDIO ARE TODAY'S CONTESTANTS:

Our returning champion, A former EA captian and current expatriot, John 
Sheridan, who last week won B5's independance, a facial laceration, a hot 
date with a half human half extraterrestrial, a brand new Vorlon/Minbari 
motors White Star starship, with the patented new Vorlon defense system, 
and finally a lousy copy of the B5 home game...

Our first challenger hails straight from the halls of Za'ha'dum, I wish 
we could show you him, but he can't be seen, please first make you peace 
with your maker, and then welcome, Mr. Shadow.

Our last contestant's accomplishments include building the great machine 
of Epsilon 3, travelling through time, and writing lyrics for Pink Floyd.
Please welcome Zathras!

Hi (*Garble*) welcomed to Babylon5 (*wrrrrr*), I have and always will be 
Kosh Naranek, your host (*blable*)

....and remember (*zzzzzzzz*) Zathras, to please phrase your answer in some 
gramatically correct(*rrr*) form of English and not to exceed 400 words in 
your (*blurb*) answer...

3.  (sung to the tune of Crash Test Dummies "mmm. mmm. mmm. mmm."):

Once, there was this Minbari
who got her hands on the triluminary
and when she finally came out
her body,
went from alien
to half human
she said that it was from
that chrysalis machnine thingy

mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

and once, there was this Centauri who
got induced into a deal with the shadows on Za'ha'dum
and later, they finally got him
he had a grey eye-keeper on his body
he couldn't quite explain it
it's just my keeeeeeper

mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

But both Minbari and Centauri were glad
cause one character had it worse than that

cause once, there was this Vorlon
who mission made him come directly to Babylon5
and he pissed off the shadows
and they cooked him for breakfast
he couldn't quite explain it
HE'D ALWAYS JUST BEEN THERE...

mmm mmm mmm mmm....

2.  Sheridan is on Za'ha'dum....he goes into a cave where he explores and
finds a room with a huge statue of a shadow.  On a stone table in front 
of it is a gold bust of Londo's head.  Grabbing a bag of sand, he quickly 
scoops it up and replaces it on the table with the bag of sand...he 
smiles...until the pedastol starts to descent and a huge boulder starts 
rolling his way....

1. Sheridan brings Kosh's smashed encounter suit headpiece back to Vorlon:
   Sheridan:  "I wish to return this Vorlon"
   Vorlon  :  "What's (*Garble*) wrong with it?"
   Sheridan:  "What's wrong with it?  Its dead!"
   Vorlon  :  "Nawww, its (*burb*) just sleeping"
   Sheridan:  "Sleeping?  Vorlons don't sleep"
   Vorlon  :  "Yes they (*wirrr*) do"
   Sheridan:  "No, they don't!"
   Vorlon  :  "Yes, they do"
   Sheridan:  "Look, you all told me that he was and always has been here"
   Vorlon  :  "Yes (*lllll*)"
   Sheridan:  "We'll he isn't here now!"
   Vorlon  :  "Well, there's no body"
   Sheridan:  "Look, this Vorlon is Dead.  Definately deceased. 
		Bleeding demised.  Passed on.  No more. Ceased to be.
		Expired and gone to meet his maker.  Late. Stiff.
		Bereft of Life, Resting in peace, pushing up the daisies, 
		Rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!
                THIS IS AN EX-VORLON!!!  I want a new one...
   Vorlon  :  "There are'nt any more here (*Brrrr*)", they all went to
	        do cameos on "The X-files"

   Scene flashes to Kosh behind a news desk, who, in a John Cleeshesh voice 
	intones:   AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
   Scene flashes to Zathras running up to the camera...."ITS..."
   Scene flashes to Londo, nude, playing an organ...
   Babylon five...