A list of 10 proposed warning signs for alcohol; the board of health
 has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off
 drinkers about the possible peril of pounding a pint or two.


 1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with
 breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.

 2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like
 an asshole.

 3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
 boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR
 HEAD IN.

 4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like
 thish.

 5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what
 you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas
 party.

 6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
 ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the
 morning.

 7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
 hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

 8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
 morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you
 can't remember)

 9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

 10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
 are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy
 named Psycho.