From: Raziha@aol.com
Subject: Actual questions by Lawyers.
Date: Monday, November 17, 1997 12:56 PM
 
 
 Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, 
the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during 
trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses.
 
 1.  "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
 doesn't know about it until the  next morning?
 
 2.  "The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?"
 
  3.  "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
  
  4.  "Were you alone or by yourself?"
  
  5.  "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
  
  6.  "Did he kill you?"
  
  7.  "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
  
  8.  "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
  
  9.  "How many times have you committed suicide?"
  
  10.  Q:  "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
       A:  "Yes."
       Q:  "And what were you doing at that time?"
  
  11.  Q:  "She had three children, right?"
       A:  "Yes."
       Q:  "How many were boys?"
       A:  "None."
       Q:  "Were there any girls?"
  
  12.  Q:  "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
       A:   "Yes."
       Q:   "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
  
  13.  Q:  "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
       A:  "I went to Europe, Sir."
       Q:  "And you took your new wife?"
  
  14.  Q:  "How was your first marriage terminated?"
       A:  "By death."
       Q:  "And by whose death was it terminated?"
  
  15.  Q:  "Can you describe the individual?"
       A:  "He was about medium height and had a beard."
       Q:  "Was this a male, or a female?"
  
  16.  Q:  "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a 
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
       A:  "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
  
  17.  Q:  "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on 
dead people?"
       A:   "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
  
  18.  Q:  "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did 
you go to?"
       A:  "Oral."
  
  19.  Q:  "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
       A:  "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
       Q:  "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
       A:  "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing 
an autopsy."
  
  20.  Q:  "You were not shot in the fracas?"
       A:  "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
   

Credit: jawelsh@gte.net
***********************************************         
A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a Lawyer...   
***********************************************         
      
A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car.  They 
run out of gas, and are forced to stop at a farmers 
house.  The farmer says that there are only 2 extra 
beds, and one person will have to sleep in the 
barn. 
 
The Hindu says, "I'm humble, I'll sleep in the 
barn," so he goes out to the barn.  In a few 
minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door.  
It's the Hindu and he says, "There is a cow in the 
barn. It's against my beliefs to sleep with a cow." 
 
So the Rabbi says, "I'm humble, I'll sleep in the 
barn."  A few minutes later, the farmer hears 
another knock on the door and it's the rabbi.  He 
says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where 
there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn. 
 
So the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn.  A 
few minutes later, there is a knock on the door.  
It's the pig and the cow.